Posted by
Grumpy Ol' Man on Monday, October 09, 2006 5:47:16 PM
Go Ahead… Insult My Intelligence
Madison Avenue is an anthill of busy little twits who have gone to college just to learn how to irritate us with advertisements. Be it print, video or audio, these pencil-necked geeks have mastered Screeching Voice 101, Seizure-inducing Video 401, Mind-numbing Copy Writing 201, and Advanced Nauseating Music. They should all receive lobotomies, be loaded into our aging space shuttle fleet and launched on a journey toward the Crab Nebula!
Want to see some reasons why….?
If I ever see or hear Billy Mays again, it will be too soon!
Any professional announcer who spits out those loan commercial disclaimers with unintelligible Uzi-like speed should have their lips sewn together!
No product can possibly be both “New” and “Improved.”
Anything endorsed by a Hollywood celebrity should be totally ignored. (Is William Shatner still considered a celebrity?)
Telephone numbers should never be repeated more than twice… Three times in a row is the “Kiss of Death!”
Automobile dealership commercials are automatic nonstarters and should be declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court.
The following phrases should be removed from the English language and placed in the Advertising Hall of Shame:
- Ring around the collar….
- Head-on – apply directly to the forehead….
- Lost another loan to Di-Tech….
- It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature….
- Not available in stores….
- Allow eight to ten weeks for delivery….
- Doctor recommended….
- Enzyte -- for natural male enhancement…
- It’s time to play Take On Orbitz…
- Your results may vary…
- ...an e*ection lasting more than four hours...
Oh, before I forget…. Hey, advertisers – it’s “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Hanukkah” not Holiday Greetings! And you so-called educators – it’s called “Christmas Vacation” not winter break!
It ain’t broke, so don’t put your secular fix on it!